The Healing Power of Compassionate Listening
How to stay centered and grounded in the face of someone’s emotional thawing.
Peace Overtures Today is a weekly newsletter dedicated to guiding individuals on their personal quest for inner peace. Each week, I share a movie that helped me discover balance. It’s a process of awareness and healing that leads to sparks of joy. I’m sincerely grateful to have you here with me.
The following post is edited excerpts from our book, Taming Your Dragons: Making Peace With Your Emotions and the included podcast.
We live in a time characterized by the pervasive presence of emotional reactivity, which permeates our media, politics, and communities. As this intensity of reactivity continues to escalate, it becomes crucial for us to acquire new tools that can assist us in remaining centered and balanced, all the while nurturing an open-hearted approach. The Alignment Movie Process (AMP) has been developed precisely for this purpose—to aid you in effectively navigating both your own emotional reactivity and that of others.
At times, emotional reactivity can prompt individuals to adopt a defensive stance and withdraw. The mere anticipation of encountering further reactivity often compels us to suppress our emotions, as if we were stashing them away in a metaphorical freezer to address at a later time. We refrain from expressing our true feelings to those around us who exhibit reactive behaviors, fearing that doing so would only invite a barrage of heightened emotions. While this self-imposed emotional control serves as a means of self-protection, it can also give rise to a suffocating sensation. Moreover, it frequently leads to the avoidance of necessary discussions, a disregard for personal boundaries, and a pattern of attempting to please reactive individuals in order to avoid their discomfort.
If you’d prefer to listen to the podcast based on this post, check it out here:
Our featured Alignment Movie Process (AMP) Film to help elevate awareness on how to navigate these emotional times is: The King’s Speech (2010).
The King's Speech is a historical drama film directed by Tom Hooper and written by David Seidler. This beloved film won four Academy Awards: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, and Best Original Screenplay.
The film is based on the true story of King George VI.
After the death of his father King George V (Michael Gambon) and the scandalous abdication of King Edward VIII (Guy Pearce), Bertie (Colin Firth) who has suffered from a debilitating speech impediment all his life, is suddenly crowned King George VI of England.
With his country on the brink of war and in desperate need of a leader, his wife, Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter), the future Queen Mother, arranges for her husband to see Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush). After a rough start, the two delve into an unorthodox course of treatment and eventually form an unbreakable bond.
While watching The King's Speech, it is important to keep an eye out for these pivotal lessons embedded within the film.
Be Compassionate With Your Emotional Releasing
The King's Speech serves as a powerful illustration of someone gradually thawing their emotions, as exemplified by the character Bertie portrayed by Colin Firth. It is worth noting that depending on one's family or cultural norms, the act of suppressing emotions may be considered socially acceptable, with significant pressure to prevent the free flow of emotions.
Within Bertie's family, the esteemed British value of maintaining a "stiff upper lip" reigns supreme. Consequently, openly expressing emotions is often perceived as inappropriate, embarrassing, or even a sign of weakness. However, this pattern of emotional suppression is not exclusive to British culture alone.
This brings to mind a story about John Kennedy Jr., sometimes referred to as "John John." Jackie Kennedy, his mother, was intentional about imparting the traditions and heritage of the Kennedy family to her children. However, she also desired for John to develop his own identity. During a ski trip with Bobby Kennedy and his family, John fell on the slopes and began to cry. In response, Uncle Bobby instructed him, "Kennedys don't cry." Jackie recounts that John looked Bobby straight in the eye and confidently declared, "This Kennedy cries."
The pattern of stuffing emotions is a prevalent issue for all of us. When emotions are suppressed for prolonged periods, reconnecting with our true feelings can become challenging, giving rise to additional obstacles. Eventually, these pent-up emotions must be released. Often, they leak out in exaggerated ways, disproportionate to the situation at hand. If you find yourself emotionally overreacting to a particular circumstance, there is a good chance that you are simply experiencing the release of long-frozen emotions.
In some instances, we may not even be consciously aware that we have suppressed these emotions. When emotions become frozen within the body, the cause of these emotions is frequently forgotten or deliberately ignored. These painful experiences are typically buried deep within our memories. When they resurface unexpectedly, we are often taken aback by the magnitude of energy encapsulated within these suppressed emotions.
Notice how Bertie recounts the painful story of his childhood, revealing how his family ridiculed his stammering and the distressing treatment he received from the family nanny. It is evident that Bertie experienced profound emotional pain stemming from his early memories.
As Lionel Logue embarks on the process of helping Bertie release these pent-up emotions, the journey becomes messy and reactive, at times resulting in emotional outbursts.
When you recognize that your emotions are being released, it is crucial to approach yourself with compassion and refrain from passing judgment or being overly critical of your own process. Let go of any shame or guilt associated with these emotions, as both sentiments hinder self-compassion.
Remember, if we aspire to become compassionate listeners, we must first connect with our own experiences of emotional releasing, understanding how it looks and feels. By cultivating self-compassion, we become available to extend the same compassion to others. I like this quote about compassion:
“Compassion is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.” - Mata Amritanandamayi (Amma)
Compassion, in my belief, transcends the realm of mere intellectual concepts shaped by the mind. In our book, It's Just Commerce: Returning Balance to Business, we delve into the idea that our own painful life lessons can serve as the fertile seeds from which compassion sprouts within our hearts. As we permit these seeds to blossom, we develop a profound aversion to witnessing others endure similar pain, fostering a genuine and empathetic compassion for their plight.
Building upon this understanding, we now move on to our next pivotal point:
Allow The Emotional Release to Heal You
You may find yourself wondering: How can I distinguish between emotional reactions and the release of old emotions? Recognizing the difference can be intricate and multifaceted. To assist you in this process, we offer some general insights we have gleaned from our own experiences that may prove beneficial.
Emotional reactivity often follows a discernible pattern: Person A engages in a particular action or behavior, and Person B promptly reacts in response. This reactionary pattern tends to persist regardless of the individuals involved, indicating a habitual response or pattern.
On the other hand, identifying the act of emotional release can be more challenging. The release of long-frozen emotions often manifests as an outpouring of intense and exaggerated emotions that appear disproportionate to the specific issue at hand. It resembles a sudden explosion, seemingly emerging out of nowhere, and possesses an intensity that defies rationality.
Picture a volcano unexpectedly erupting, spewing forth its pent-up energy. In the case of Bertie, we witness vivid examples of this release. As he begins to explore and release his emotions, particularly during discussions about his past, a profound surge of powerful emotions surges forth. Each eruption brings about a sense of relief, gradually diminishing the emotional charge he associates with his stammering. Bertie has long kept these emotions locked away within, and when the pressure is finally released, they explode forth with tremendous force.
When you recognize that you are in the midst of releasing emotions, it is crucial not to shut down or hinder the process. Instead, allow it to serve as a catalyst for healing. In some instances, it can be beneficial to seek the guidance of an experienced practitioner, clergy member, counselor, or teacher.
Sometimes, we unconsciously expect our partners, family members, or friends to assume the role of a counselor during these challenging moments. However, this can place undue pressure on them, particularly if their default tendency is to react unconsciously. It is important to recognize that it is not their responsibility to guide you through these times. While they can provide support, relying too heavily on them during the releasing process can strain your most cherished connections.
In Bertie's case, he did not place the burden of counseling on his wife. Instead, her loving support, coupled with Lionel's expertise, enabled him to persevere. Having a skilled practitioner by your side can help facilitate the melting of your frozen emotions, making the entire process smoother. Bertie was fortunate to have such a knowledgeable teacher in Lionel, and their journey together forged a lifelong friendship.
Remember, when you allow your emotions to be released, a profound healing occurs. This creates space for more joy, love, peace of mind, and enhanced connections and compassion with both yourself and others.
Therefore, we wholeheartedly encourage you to embark on this inward journey—it is truly worth the experience.
As your awareness of your own emotional releasing deepens, you become better equipped to absorb and explore the following key point.
Practice Compassionate Listening
When you find yourself in the presence of someone going through an emotional release, you have an opportunity to contribute to peace and healing in the world by actively practicing compassionate listening.
In the film The King's Speech, we witness a compelling example of how to maintain emotional stability while supporting someone in thawing their emotions. Lionel, portrayed by Geoffrey Rush, serves as an exceptional speech therapist who exemplifies the art of compassionate listening.
Lionel assists Bertie in embarking on his journey of emotional thawing, creating a safe space where past pain and struggles can be released without judgment. Lionel's expertise in this field is well-practiced, having worked extensively with war veterans who have endured trauma. Through allowing these individuals to express their emotions, Lionel aids in their psychological healing.
Observe the remarkable composure and gentleness Lionel displays in the face of Bertie's emotional storms. His palpable compassion is profoundly moving to witness.
It is crucial to remember that when someone is experiencing emotional reactions and releases, it is a reflection of their past pain. There is no room for judgment, only compassion.
Remaining balanced in the midst of emotional releasing requires a combination of serene strength and gentle courage. Although you may not be aware of it, you provide a tangible and compassionate bridge for the person undergoing the release, assisting them in transitioning back to a state of inner peace.
This leads us to our next significant point:
Listen With One Purpose - Save Advice for Another Time.
Thich Nhat Hanh, in his conversation with Oprah in 2012, shared profound wisdom on the practice of compassionate listening. He emphasized the importance of listening with a single purpose: to assist the other person in emptying their heart.
His teaching resonates as he encourages us to refrain from offering advice during the initial listening phase. Instead, he suggests saving insights and recommendations for a later time when the individual is not experiencing emotional pain or undergoing a release. This approach embodies compassion, thoughtfulness, and love.
Moreover, Thich Nhat Hanh highlights that through deep and compassionate listening, we gain insight into our own perceptions versus those of others. This process serves as a catalyst for resolving conflicts on both personal and broader societal levels.
To witness this enlightening conversation, here is a captivating clip from that remarkable interview:
I included Thich Nhat Hanh’s teachings as resonance statements in this The Kings Speech AMP session. You’ll get the benefits once you watch the movie.
The Key Resonance Benefits From This Alignment Movie Process (AMP) Session:
The capacity to release long-held frozen emotions that are ready to be released.
Letting go of any shame associated with your emotional releasing.
Staying centered, calm and compassionate in the face of other people’s reactivity.
Letting go of the need for approval from others.
Letting go of any fear of other people’s emotional process and being able to remain calm and centered in the face of it.
A realization that the only way to end war is through communication between two people.
The ability to recognize when someone is emotionally releasing, and in turn help them heal by compassionate listening.
A realization that compassionate listen alleviates the suffering of others.
Cultivating the resilience to not take anyone's emotional release personally.
The ability to tangibly bring more peace into your world through compassionate listening.
If you haven’t done the Intention Session, we’ve provided it below. It’s essentially telling your mind and body you want the resonance benefits of this film on your timing, only what you need, and with grace and ease. Once completed then you’re ready to benefit from any of our AMP films, music, and TV sessions.
The Intention Session
Getting started on aligning with this movie session is easy. All you have to do is review these statements and do the modality at the end. Once you’ve completed these, you’re ready to benefit from any Alignment Movie Process (AMP) movie sessions you choose. This includes any movie referred to in our books and blogs.
Say These Statements Out Loud and Then Do Modalities At The End
I allow the changes in my timing and only integrate what I’m ready to.
I have faith that I’ll receive the benefits I desire.
I’m patient with myself as I make my changes.
I let go of feeling I’m too busy to take the time to read these books and watch these movies
I let go of having to understand how these Alignment Process movie sessions work, allowing me to get the full benefits on my terms and in my timing.
Modalities:
Please do all three of the following actions to integrate this intension session. All three activities are a good habit to embrace prior to beginning an AP movie session.
Nod your head up in down as you would when saying yes.
Drink some water
Slow rhythmic breathing through your nose
You’re now ready to watch your AMP film: The King’s Speech