Before We Heal Us vs. Them
How a quiet kind of love prepares us to be steady in a divided world
In my last post we sat with the Iron Tree, with Belfast, and with the painful spell of us vs. them. We looked at how easy it is to stay locked in the fight and how hard it is to imagine any future that does not depend on having an enemy. I introduced Recipocracy as a different way of living together, one that is rooted in reciprocity instead of extraction.
That naturally raises a deeper question. If we are not fueled by anger or the need to get even, what do we live from instead. What is the power source that could actually sustain a different way of being together.
Unwinding the us vs. them pattern is not a quick project. I know that personally. It has taken years, with layers and layers of work, revealing new places where I am still stuck and more healing is needed.
At some point I realized that to shift into a new kind of centered tolerance, I needed a different kind of power. Not the power to win the argument or force the other side to change. A quieter power. The kind most of us do not recognize as strength at all. That power is love. Love for self, for humanity, for solving problems, and for allowing the heart to open enough to align with what feels like the deeper operating system underneath everything.
When I say love, I do not mean the romantic version we see in media or the casual “love you guys” sign off we hear online. I am talking about a kind of steady inner warmth that keeps you from collapsing into reactivity when things get hard. Without that kind of love for yourself, it is very easy to get pulled into old loops. You feel wounded, rejected, and lonely, and you start itemizing grievances and chasing validation. You keep looking for love in all the wrong places and miss the quieter, stronger love that has been inside you all along.
In politics there is an old line:
“If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog”
Sometimes love can feel a bit like that too. When we have no real practice of self love, we lean hard on the people around us to give us what we need. We expect them to be the steady source of love, understanding, and soothing we never learned to offer ourselves. That kind of pressure eventually creates frustration and dysfunction on both sides. Most of us were never taught how to love in that steady, healing way, so even people who care about us deeply reach the end of their capacity. That is not because they are bad. It is because they are walking around with their own gaps and wounds, just like we are.
This is why this kind of love has to start within. Self love, in this sense, is not indulgence or ego. It is the steady decision to treat yourself with the same patience and tenderness you would like to offer others. Without that, it is almost impossible to remain steady in the middle of a health crisis, a conflict, or a deeply uncomfortable conversation. With it, you are far less likely to be pulled back into the old us versus them spell.
Aligning the Mind with the Heart
Our work with the Alignment Movie Process has always been simple at its core. Help the mind line up with the heart so we can live from a deeper kind of steadiness.
This Won’t You Be My Neighbor (2018) AMP session is designed to do that. It helps you build an inner foundation of kindness and self respect so you can show up in the world with more balance. Not just for the people who agree with you, but also for those who are still stuck in fighting the good fight.
What Mister Rogers Shows Us
“Love is at the root of everything.
All learning, all parenting, all relationships.
Love or the lack of it.”
Fred Rogers
If all of this sounds abstract, he brings it down to earth.
One of the reasons he has stayed in so many hearts is that he made children feel something most of us rarely experience in everyday life. Seen. Safe. Worthy of attention exactly as they were. When a child sat with Mister Rogers, even through a television screen, it felt like the whole world slowed down for them. Their feelings mattered. Their questions were welcome. Their small struggles were treated with respect instead of dismissal.
Adults felt it too. Many people who worked with Fred Rogers or watched his work closely came away changed. They saw what it looked like when someone showed up day after day with a genuinely open heart. They watched him listen without rushing to fix. They watched him speak slowly in a culture that rewards noise. They watched him choose tenderness in situations where most of us would reach for control or sarcasm. Being around that kind of presence made it harder to pretend that cynicism was the only grown up option. It tilted people toward love.
The film also shows what happened when he lost his balance. He doubted his impact. He felt the strain of the times. That matters. Doing this kind of work does not mean you are healed once and for all. We are human. Losing our balance is part of being alive. The question is not whether you wobble. The question is how quickly you can return to center and how kindly you treat yourself on the way back.
For me, Fred Rogers is a picture of that kind of mastery. Not perfection. Mastery as a willingness to come back to love and presence over and over again.
A Personal Note
Part of why Mister Rogers matters so much to me is personal.
I grew up in a small house with a lot of kids close in age. Four sisters and a brother, all within a few years. The house was tight. We were on top of each other. There was noise, tension, and more yelling than anyone really knew how to handle. Everyone was doing the best they could with what they had, and I was no angel in the middle of it. I pushed back hard. When I was made fun of for being such a sensitive boy, I teased right back and played my part in the chaos.
At the time, I did not have language for any of that. I only knew that part of me felt overwhelmed and part of me fought back. Like a lot of boys, I got the message that being sensitive was a problem. So I tried to hide it and power through.
Then there was Mister Rogers. When I watched him, it felt like he was looking right at me. He cared about what I was feeling. He said simple, kind things that this little boy needed to hear. In a world that felt loud and unpredictable, his steady presence was a kind of shelter. I loved him.
Years later, as an adult, I would sometimes turn on PBS in the morning before work and watch an episode while I drank coffee and my wife was still asleep. I was a little embarrassed that I still needed his soothing, but the need was real. It has taken me a long time to see that there was nothing childish about that. I was looking for a way to feel safe and cared for.
The deeper shift came when I began to find that same quality inside myself. Through the AMP work and a lot of trial and error, I started to develop my own inner Mister Rogers voice. I became sweeter with myself. I stopped allowing people to treat me in the chaotic way I had experienced as a child. One of the ways I knew the self love was working was that when others lashed out and tried to use me as a lightning rod for their pain, I no longer felt I had to absorb it in order to be loved.
This work also helped me see something important about myself. I am a sensitive man and that has always been true. The goal was never to get rid of that sensitivity. The goal was to become strong and sensitive at the same time. That is a tough balance, especially for men raised to believe that softness is weakness. What I have learned is that there is nothing weak about me. I am still strong, but I am much more aware of my sensitivity too. That awareness allows this idea of aligning with love to be a real power and a real steadiness in a world that feels like it is spiraling out of control.
That is why this film and this AMP session are so important to me. They are not just about admiring Fred Rogers from a distance. They are about helping you build that same steady, kind presence inside your own life. Someday I hope to help many other men find that same balance in themselves.
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Let Go
These Let Go statements are included in this AMP session and they help clear some of the inner noise that makes it hard to receive and offer the kind of steady love Mister Rogers modeled:
I let go of the belief that I have to be perfect before I am worthy of love.
I let go of the fear that my feelings are too much or not important.
I let go of the idea that gentleness is weakness.
I let go of comparing my life and gifts to everyone around me.
I let go of the need to rush and perform in order to be accepted.
You can say them quietly or out loud. Just notice what happens in your body. Even a small softening is meaningful.
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Allow
These Allow statements invite in the qualities this film highlights and that this AMP session is designed to strengthen:
I allow myself to be loved exactly as I am right now.
I allow myself to feel my feelings without judging them.
I allow a calm, steady kindness to grow in me.
I allow myself to see the quiet goodness in me and in others.
I allow my heart to stay open even when I feel unsure.
This is not about pretending everything is fine. It is about giving your nervous system a chance to experience a different way of relating, even for a moment. That is how new wiring begins.
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Experience the AMP Session Won’t You Be My Neighbor Yourself
If you would like to experience the healing resonance of this AMP session, you can begin with this simple Intention Session. It helps align your body, mind, and emotions so you receive the full benefit of the resonance. You only need to do it once, before you watch the film.
Step 1: Speak these aloud
I allow the changes in my timing and only integrate what I am ready to.
I have faith that I will receive the benefits I desire.
I am patient with myself as I make my changes.
I let go of feeling I am too busy to take the time for this.
I let go of needing to understand how AMP works and allow myself to receive the full benefits in my own timing.
Step 2: Engage three modalities
Nod your head yes.
Drink water.
Take several slow, rhythmic breaths through your nose.
Then simply watch Won’t You Be My Neighbor all the way through. Do not force insights. Just notice what stirs. Trust that the resonance will do its work gently, in your own timing, with grace and ease.
My intent with this AMP session is not to turn you into a saint. My intent is to help you build a steadier inner base of love so you can return to center more easily and offer a bit more of the kindness and presence that Fred Rogers showed was possible. From that place, you are much better prepared to be a healing presence in a divided world.